Theodynamics and Theomechanics
by Jeffry Dwight Copyright © 1988 Jeffry Dwight. All rights reserved. Reproduction and distribution specifically prohibited. First published in Between the Darkness and the Fire, SFF Net, 1998. Back to Writing
|
Theodynamics and Theomechanics
Betcha didn’t know that the metaphysical universe is as tightly rule-bound as the
physical world. Discovering the rules is the trick. Fortunately, researchers
have now developed—for the first time in human history—a coherent theology based
on science. Read on!
- First Law of Theodynamics: Miracles can neither be created
nor destroyed. This Law is also known as the Conservation
of Miracles. Since miracles cannot be created or destroyed,
the exact same number of miracles exists in the universe
today as when it was first born. Unfortunately, that number
is zero.
- Second Law of Theodynamics: All miracles are slowing down
and cooling off. This Law is also known as Theurgic Entropy.
Since matter is known to be slowly dispersing, through the
process of reverse-projection we may presume that there was
once a time when all the matter in the universe was collected
in one single mass of gigantic theurgic potential.
- Premise: We may view God as the sum of all events, causes and matter in the universe.
- Premise: Nothing exists that did not come from God.
- Premise: The universe was created by the explosion of the above-mentioned primal mass, eons ago.
- Conclusion: God exploded eons ago, thus forming the universe. This may also help explain why he is so quiet nowadays.
The miraculous world is not purely Einsteinian in nature; there are also the Newtonian Laws of Theomechanics.
- A miracle in motion tends to stay in motion. This explains why the universe is still running.
- A miracle at rest tends to stay at rest. This explains why it’s hard to raise a miracle when you really need one.
- For every miracle there is an equal but opposite miracle. This principle explains why it so hard to tell whether an incredible event is miraculous or merely coincidental. A cursory study of this Law might tempt one to believe that, for every dozen fish which miraculously appear at a tent revival meeting to feed a hungry crowd, a dozen fish must miraculously disappear from the fish vendor’s stall down the road. However, the Laws of Theomechanics dictate a simpler and less cynical solution: For every dozen fish which do not miraculously appear when needed, twelve persons in the crowd will miraculously be allergic to fish anyway.
Story Notes
—Excerpt from Revival, 19 June 1988 (one of the Burned Journals)
|