Now if you’ll follow me, I think you’ll find
The next exhibit most entertaining
This is a specimen from Terra
We believe of the dominant species
Note the bilateral symmetry
And indications of sexual dimorphism
Typical of the planetary ecology
We’ve had him for six months
A gift from the Exoarcheology Department of Bhnu
And today you’ll be privileged to see
A very special experiment
But first, let’s examine the cadaver
Yes, step right up to the cage
Don’t be afraid, he’s quite dead
In fact, his brain does not demonstrate
That he was ever alive above an animal level
The motions you see are just reflexes
Complex autonomic systems
Responding to environmental stimuli
Although some of the motions appear purposeful
You mustn’t confuse it with real thought
If you’ll adjust your tympana to 1,700 cycles per second
(Give yourselves a spread of at least a thousand cycles)
You’ll hear the primitive sounds with which
Exobiologists think his species communicated
Hmmn? Oh, only things like how to find food
Or for mating rituals
Very primitive
They didn’t have anything like what we call a language
No evidence of mental communication at all
This specimen is a physically immature male
Although it displays the same aggressive posturing
Of the adults in the species
It is quite harmless—see how it withdraws
When you approach it
That’s only one of the fascinating reflexes we’ve noted
Go right ahead, everyone take a turn
Eliciting the response
There are other tropisms of interest
Note the howling sound as my assistant pokes it
With the forked prongs
It is aware enough to attempt to conserve its fluids
But doesn’t display the psychokinetic healing
One would expect from an intelligent species
Oh, no, don’t worry, we’re sure it doesn’t feel
What we would call pain
There are simply no emissions on the pain wavelength
Its brain is truly dead
You are only seeing autonomic reactions
To physical stimuli
If you find the auditory reception distressing
(And I can sense that many of you do)
Please readjust your tympana to ignore those frequencies
And now for the special experiment I promised you
While the attendants restrain him
We should move to one side
Please adjust your perceptions for animus reception
And focus on the subject
Today we shall discover if the specimen has a soul
Notice how it squirms and tries to evade the attendants
Another tropism, we think
Perhaps an instinctual fear of confinement
We may never know
Ah, now they attach the equipment
Notice the moisture near the specimen’s visual receptors
We have not determined
The function of this reaction
It seems to be elicited by certain physical stimuli
But also occurs when the subject is
Under no observable physiological stress
Another mystery, but no matter
Notice now how the loss of the red fluids
Seems to calm it
With three of its appendages detached
It has ceased responding to environmental stimuli
Now we shall see
If the physiological stressors were sufficient
To release the soul
Watch closely
The meters on the left wall are more sensitive
Than our own direct perceptions
A pity we can’t interrogate the specimen directly
Ah, nothing
No response
The meters are at zero
Nothing at all
Quite disappointing, I’m sure
The three other specimens reacted the same way
The exobiologists will study the remains
But if you’ll step this way, to our next exhibit
We are fortunate to have acquired
A rare Golranthian crystal lifeform
Today we will be subjecting it to lateral stress
To determine if it responds intelligently
To physical stimuli